If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
