I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
