3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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