just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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