I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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