I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
