i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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