feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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