Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
