wakey wakey hands off snakey
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
