Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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