If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
