Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
