i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
