if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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