I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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