I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Someone signed my nipple.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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