R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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