you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
