I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
