Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
