Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
