today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
