Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
