you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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