I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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