I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
