just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
