i would punch a child for taco bell
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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