I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
