I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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