Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
