dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
