I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
