I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
