I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
