Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
