I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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