the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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