Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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