Just mADE A PArabola og urine
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
