can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
