I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
