god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
