dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
