wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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