8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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