My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
