lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
