Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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