heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
