just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
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Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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