my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
