i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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