bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
