; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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