You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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