im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
