I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
