So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Soap is not a condiment
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
