Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
