Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
