So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
