White coat. Heels.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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