the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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