omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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