Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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