clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
