In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She bit a glass in half.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
