You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
