love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
