I'm jealous of your bromance
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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