i don't like sucking hair
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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