The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
