I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
