i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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