Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
