The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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