I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
