I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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