yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
