i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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