Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
