you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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